In Chapter 2, John said, “God appoints all existing rulers. The truth is, no one can get into a place of legitimate authority without God’s knowledge. We must settle this idea in our hearts. Second, to rebel against those authorities is to rebel against the ordinance of the Lord, or God Himself, and those who bring judgment on themselves.” This made me realize that leaders aren’t just there to check if you do what you must do or to give you work to keep you busy. God appoints  them these leaders. This showed me that when we rebel against leadership, we are rebelling against God

“We must carefully heed his words and settle them in our hearts: there is nothing good outside the realm of God’s will. It may appear good, but if it doesn’t line up with God’s will, make no mistake, there is nothing good in it for us.” This took me back to when I was in school and thought netball was going to be my future and my entire life. I believed that was what God had for me because it appeared good, which led me to move to a new school with a strong netball program. However, there was nothing good in that move. It was filled with fear, anxiety, and a deep sense of loss. Now I understand that it was not part of God’s plan or will for my life.

“What happens when we justify what we did, thereby turning our backs on true repentance? Two things. First, we are positioned to repeat the same act of disobedience. Second, the veil of deception covers our heart, thereby lessening the sense of conviction and replacing it with reasoning.” This revealed pride in my own life. I used to justify what I did to make it seem like it wasn’t that bad, but in doing so, I harmed myself more than I realized. Because I didn’t truly repent, I never experienced a real change of mind and direction. Instead, I hardened my heart and resisted the correction God was trying to bring.

John shared how he felt he was no longer being fed in the ministry God had planted him in, and the Holy Spirit reminded him of Isaiah 1:19–20. The Holy Spirit said, “You obey everything you’re told to do in this ministry, but I did not say, ‘If you are obedient, you shall eat of the good of the land.’ I said, ‘If you are willing and obedient…’” Willingness deals with attitude. John said, “I saw how my attitude towards my pastor had brought me to this place of not receiving from God as well as leading me into dangerous territory.” I then looked up the meanings of obedience and willingness. Obedience refers to actions—doing what you are told or what is expected of you. Willingness speaks to the heart—your attitude, motives, and internal agreement with what you’re doing. This reminded me of something Pastor Christi said on the orientation trip: “God doesn’t look at your actions or performance; He looks at your heart. If it’s not in the sincerity of your heart, it’s in the selfishness of it.” It also reminded me of Pastor Scott’s words: “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

“Jesus never lost sight of His ultimate Judge, even when He stood before delegated authority. Remember, the heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord. By refraining from self-defense, He remained under God’s defense throughout the process.” “The moment you justify and defend yourself, you yield to your accuser as judge. You forfeit your spiritual right of protection… Attempting to prove your innocence, you are at the mercy of your accuser.” This showed me that self-defense comes from pride and from not fully trusting God to judge according to His will. It reminded me of what Pastor Garth said in one of our sessions: “You cannot play God in your own life or someone else’s life. Don’t try to do God’s work.” This chapter taught me to let God be the judge and to trust Him to defend me.

“A servant is responsible to carry out to completion the will of His master, not just a portion or a sampling of it… The true and faithful servant completes the project, no matter the hardship or obstacles.” I never realized I did this until I read this chapter and the Holy Spirit showed me where I had practiced partial obedience. There were times I started assignments but didn’t complete them, especially when things didn’t go the way I expected or when I lost interest. I never saw this as disobedience before, but this chapter challenged me to grow in faithfulness and perseverance.